‘There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.’” Albert Einstein…maybe
These days, everyone wants to be their own Guru. Being your own Guru can be much harder than finding a human one. With a human one, you just do what they say. Done. When you are your own Guru, to get to the essence of who you are, you have to weed through years of suffering, pain,memories, and knowledge.
I guess it is possible to have instant enlightenment. I would take a guess though, that if it does happen, it is super rare. Even popular spiritual teachers like Eckhart Tolle and Adyashanti speak of years of suffering leading up to their awakening experiences. In Mysore, Sharath talked about spontaneous awakening in conference and he was definitely not on team instant enlightenment.
To be your own Guru, life has to be your teacher. Even little things, like fidgeting with your clothes during Yoga, can lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves.
What Your Clothes Fidgeting Can Reveal
Discomfort with Your Body
When my shirt or my shorts ride up, I pull them down. Today in Guided, Johnna, the teacher said, and I paraphrase and possibly misquote,”unless your boobies are showing, and none of your boobies are showing, there is no need to touch your clothes”. No, my boobies were not showing and my crotch was not showing. I pull on my clothes because, places that I am self conscious about, are showing. This shows my level of attachment to how people feel about my body and the appearance of my impermanent meat suit.
The Guru within was telling me to let go of the need to please others. To let go of societies idea of perfection. The Guru was telling me to let go of the silent judge in my head because I bet you that 0% of the people in that class were even thinking about my belly.
Life Style Choices
You may be fidgeting with your clothes because, when they ride up or shift, it shows what you may feel to be fat. Carrying more weight then is needed can be unhealthy for our bodies. Our inner Guru may be trying to teach us about Ahimsa, non harming, or Aparigraha, non hoarding. Our Guru could also be trying to teach us about two of the 6 poisons, desire and greed.
A vital aspect of internal purification that Pattabhi Jois teaches relates to the six poisons that surround the spiritual heart. In the yoga shastra it is said that God dwells in our heart in the form of light, but this light is covered by six poisons: kama, krodha, moha, lobha, matsarya, and mada. These are desire, anger, delusion, greed, envy and sloth. When yoga practice is sustained with great diligence and dedication over a long period of time, the heat generated from it burns away these poisons, and the light of our inner nature shines forth. KPJAYI.Org
After Johnna’s boobie comment, I immediately knew that I needed to embrace my body. That I needed to let it be what it was and find joy in all the things my body does for me. That all my lumps and bumps are a celebration of womanhood and their is nothing to be ashamed of. I get so inspired when I see a beautiful, confident, curvy woman in class who is not trying to hide her body with over sized clothing and layers. It is glorious. This is my inner Guru teaching me about self love and how to shine.
Fidgeting with our clothes is a great stalling technique. I love to retie my OmStars shorts right before Kapotasana. How about you? The inner Guru is showing us that we have samskaras or blocked thoughts, emotions and energy around the asana. The Guru is showing that we are making an event around it. Creating a story. What emotions are we trying to repress when we stop to fix our sports bra before Marichyasana? Our inner Guru is inviting us to take a closer look.
Its Getting Hard
It is getting hard and we don’t know what to do with that uncomfortable feeling. We are at our edge and it sucks. Fidgeting with the clothes gives us a break from that uncomfortable feeling. I particularly get this at backbends. Its the end of the practice. I am worn out mentally and physically but backbends are coming and I am feeling some type of way about it. Some days, especially when my life is topsy turvy, they make me anxious. Taking a few moments to fix my hair and pull down my pants is a great distraction. My inner Guru though is trying to teach me to be present with what I feel because the anxiety has nothing to do with my backbends. They have everything to do with how I am handling my life off the mat.
A Change is Coming
The practice is doing its job. Stuck energy is moving. Something is building within us and we are scared. To dissipate the transformative energy of the practice, we fidget with our clothes. Our inner Guru is telling us to take a look at our fear of change.
Fear of Intensity
Navasana is a great time for fidgeting with our clothes. It is super intense. Even more so if you have a teacher who counts incredibly slow. Even though it feels like we are going to die, I have never seen anyone actually die from Navasana, Utplutihi, or Sun Salutes. My core dies though. Every time. Especially if Sharath is counting. He says “five” like this, “FFFFFF, oh, what are you doing, FFFFFF, uh, legs up, you back there, legs up, FFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEE”. The inner Guru wants to show us how we deal with tapas or intensity in our life. Intensity is often a sign that we are about to break through. Our inner Guru is trying to show us that the fear of the feeling of intensity may be stopping our development.
Shanna Small has been practicing Ashtanga Yoga and studying the Yoga Sutras since 2001. She has studied in Mysore with Sharath Jois and is the Director of AYS Charlotte, a school for traditional Ashtanga in Charlotte NC. She has written for Yoga International and the Ashtanga Dispatch. Go here for more information on AYS Charlotte. For information on workshops, please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.